I know. You already know Italy and the Italians: you have taken Italian cappuccinos in Italian bars side by side with Italians dressed in Italian costumes that shout Italian songs in Italian. Mamma mine! But I bet there are some things you don't know about us ...
THE BASICS
Not everyone is crazy about the fashionnor do we carry Sunglasses (branded, of course) at all hours (nights included), nor are we a hybrid between Raffaella Carrá and Albano Carrisi, although some do believe that "congratulate a bicchiere di vino with a panino". We don't sing "Oh my sole!”When we are under the shower or when we drive. Mind you… drive we drive fatal, No doubt!
We are not all plumbers that during their work schedules they jump on mushrooms and turtles saving princesses, nor do we have friends that are called Luigi. We don't nourish only pasta and pizza, we don't spend days drinking coffee although yes: breakfast is sacred ... without capuccino and cornetto (croissant) we are nobody.
On average we have seen “The Godfather"About 12 times but we have never left horse heads in the beds of those who dislike us. We are not all brunettes, from tanned skin, deep eyes and important nose, jokers and happy. There are also blondes, and quite a lot. And sad
Now that you are ready, let's go to the mess!
THE TRICKS TO SURVIVE IN ITALY (AND DON'T FELL IT)
Since we are on the sidewalk: the public toilet.
It is more likely to find unicorns flying between rainbows or Berlusconi without makeup than finding toilet paper in an Italian public toilet. So you know: Kleenex in the bag just in case.
Football.
For Italians it is more sacred than the Pope (although we like the latter). Sundays are sacred, not for mass, but for "il Calcio." If you walk down the street with the shirt of Madrid, Barca or Celta nothing happens: surely the Italians will greet you with joy, praising the goals of your team from the cuore and releasing sympathy and kindness. But if you decide to wear the shirt of Juventus, Milan, Inter or Roma ... be careful! If you do it in the wrong city it will be interpreted as a suicide attempt or the desire of a masochist to receive a legendary beating and the ultras of the opposing team will be happy to help you. Because the Italians are first and foremost a generous people.
The screams and the gestures
In Italy we are MANY. Perhaps too many for the territory occupied by Italy. I do not know how we do to be so many but soon you will realize one thing, to be heard, among so many voices, you will have to do one thing: scream. And if everyone around you does it and you can't make yourself understood, you only have to enter the wonderful world of gestures: Italians do not speak with hands for pleasure, we speak with hands for survival! And after a few days in Italy you will have to do it too, if you will not be practically invisible.
Il marpione
We Italians have always been very creative, but while at other times creativity was applied to the arts ... nowadays it is applied in the streets. There you will find the “marpione” developing your favorite sport: the hunt for women. The marpione is the typical Italian who thinks he is very macho, dressed in his best outfit, without an off-site hair, which seems taken from the latest publicity of "Dolce e Gabbana". The same as when a "beautiful ragazza" passes (he tries but the impulse is stronger) resist the temptation to release a "Ciao bellissima, dove hai lasciato le ali? I didn't notice if I was an angelo caduto from heaven"Or other" italianstyle niceties. " We look like compliments when you go near the works but much finer: the fucking are creative and more than one will fall into the networks of the "dongiovanni" on duty but for God's sake ... don't be fooled! Under the aura of hot, elegant, fashion and romantic man hides another individual. I will explain it to you in the next point!
(It must be said that with the passing of time another kind of marpione has emerged: the shabby marpione that also seems to have come out of the TV, yes from a horror movie. For this you don't need advice: you will escape scared yourself)
there's marpione ... and marpione
Il mammone
You're getting it, right? For an Italian man there is only one true love: his mother. Now, I know that all men love your mother, but the Italians are a problem! If you are with an Italian and you prepare your best dish, it will tell you “Mmm amore, é buonissimo, but mia mamma ci mette piú formaggio / pomodoro / prezzemolo / meat / prosciutto / zucchero" If he starts to feel bad because he has a cold tad and two tenths of fever you will have to take care of him as if he were about to pat her, but even then there will be no pampering that will take effect: he will call his mamma that with the massages of vick vaporub in his chest and his magic soup will work a miracle ... and he will return his piccolo bambino to life, making it clear that you are useless and she has been, is and will be the most important woman in her life. Forever and ever. Are there men not "mammoni" in Italy? Yes there are. But there is also extraterrestrial life, and I never saw it.
remember that under each marpione there is a mammone
Pasta
We don't eat pasta alone, it's true that we eat a lot because there is a difference between pasta from the rest of the world and pasta from Italy. Ours is dead! Forget pasta Bolognese (which also does not exist, it is called ragout pasta!) And let yourself be surprised by the more than 100 types of pasta and sauces we have. Then you will understand why we like it so much.
Pizza
Italian pizza, like pasta, is deadly. But an Italian knows that Neapolitan pizza is not only deadly. It is of death and resurrection. And above it is cheap. A margherita costs about € 4 and the most elaborate pizzas about € 6-8. Here I saw pizzas that cost € 12. Really ?!
The rest
when I hear someone say that in Italy we eat only pasta and pizza my blood boils. Who says this has not been in Italy, and if it has been eaten in tourist sites with tourist menus. Italian cuisine is immense and exquisite. Each region has its own specialties and northern Italy is completely different from the south. So you can be eating wild boar stew with polenta in Trentino or cannoli di ricotta in Sicily, grilled fiorentina in Tuscany or spaghetti with seafood in Puglia…. And I stop because I'm salivating and getting fat just thinking about it. Ah one last thing: never, and never say, order a pineapple pizza in Italy. You will be deported and you will never be able to return to Belpaese. And the pepperoni is pepper!
don't mess with our cars ... for us they are the best!
Cristoforo Colombo
When we arrived in Barcelona and heard from the mouth of our first landlady that Cristobal Colon was Catalan, we looked at each other and thought she was crazy. CRAZY. When we hear it again and again we start to check ... do people really think it was Catalan? For those who are still clueless, we clarify it ... it was Genoese. Point. In Italy do not even think that Cristoforo was Cristobal. The Gioconda has already been stolen. Do not take away our national Colombo!
The rule
Our highest conviction is “made the law made the trap” and that's how things go. We are the country of the mafia, which unlike the toilet paper in the bathroom, if present, of Berlusconi (everyone hates him, nobody votes for him (¿) but there he continues since the centuries of the centuries), of the endless bureaucracy e useless, from the Ferrari (it shows that we all think we have a Ferrari under the cover of our Fiat of a lifetime ... and we show it driving like crazy and scaring pedestrians across the country). But beware: we love ranting about our country, but if we hear someone speaking badly about our beloved Italy we are ready to exterminate it with a look. Rober knows. (And the opposite also happens. I know!)
Oh sole mine ... be in froooonte to meeeee
Definitely
Yes, we are a tambourine country, but we are still proud of our history, of our monuments, of having Venice and Rome, of our mamma and dad, of Valentinos Rossi, because Marquez stomps, but Vale is Vale. And Lady Gaga is fine, but we prefer to call her Lady Germanotta, and better if they put us a song by Raffaella Carrá because in Italy to make love good we don't have to come to the south ... in Italy with beautiful far l'amore da Trieste in giú ! And well, I leave you that we are going to eat a pizza, which has made me feel like home.
